Surgery

After five months of unrelenting pain I’m having surgery tomorrow to, God willing, relieve the pain.  My surgeon is doing a nerve block and repairing any other abnormalities she may find while she’s in there.

I have so much riding on this surgery.  My life has practically been at a stand still for all these months while I’ve dealt with this.  I’m really trying to be optimistic but my past with this chronic issue has not been very positive so it’s very hard to believe that things will get better.  Needless to say I’m very nervous!

This has not only impacted my life in a huge way, it has also affected the people I love.  Randy and I have not been out on a date since August, I haven’t been able to do anything with my kids or my best friend.  I can’t ride in the car without an ice pack and pain medication and even then it’s close to unbearable.

I can’t thank the people that haven’t given up on me enough.  I don’t blame people for getting tired of me and my issues, I know I am sick to death of myself.  I wake up every morning sick and tired of being me.  I know it’s going to be another day of not being able to do much and being in pain.  I’ve been very depressed and I cry a lot.  To sum it up, I’m a mess.

I don’t even want to think about what I will do if there’s no relief.  Every time I think that way I need to distract myself because that doesn’t lead to anything good.  I’m going to be laying in bed tonight praying and praying for a good outcome.